It’s a new morning in LA. I wake and, with a sleepy stumble, begin my search for today’s happiness. At the windows, I reach for it, like light, as I use my entire body to draw open the dark and heavy curtains. The sun allows herself in. I scan her findings: determined plants, lonely books, alarm snoozing lover, dog tail doing a propeller, and in my belly, that little but long-running battle of anxiety and inner peace.

On this particular day, I’ve decided that said happiness shall be mine to choose. This choice doesn’t bring the feeling of total contentment, by any means, but I feel resilient and; therefore, in the possession of potential for ever-expanding joy. That potential, I’ve come to learn, is something that need not be gifted nor contained. Perhaps, if it were a fact that we begin and end at our heads and toes. Or with birth and death. Or if connections were as simple as together and apart. But this is not the case. And so, I’m able to see the achievement of happiness as something in each passing moment of awareness. Not as an eventual outcome or possession; but, something observable in the now.

It can be found within myself, in those around me, and the world around me. In the world I surround myself with. The world I put myself in: the world I choose.

The choices I make are entirely open. They are all mine. As is my attitude; regardless of old habits or tendencies. There are choices in the handling of my emotions and the emotions of others. Choices that are there in how I treat my body and my mind. What I consume. What I learn and how patient I am is all up to me. How much love I give. How much love I allow myself to receive, to notice, to appreciate. Every choice, from the grand to the petty, is entirely in my hands. And in my world.

And so, to my world.

If I am the center of my world, am I its depths and edges too? Or are there no edges? When using only sight, or sound, or touch, it’s easy to be fooled into thinking there is a physical end to us; our being and our potential. To assume that our energy field has limits because it stops at the horizon that the bare eye is aware of. But today, I wonder — if I can see the moon and far beyond, if, not only can I bear witness but if I can feel it too, surely I am part of it. Surely the moon and the beyond can also feel me. And the souls of those across our planet, those of whom I have never met but have heard of. Those whose pain I’ve felt like my own. Whose joy I’ve embraced. Who’s to say they haven’t felt me too? And if, from out of sight, an atomic bomb can reach me, or a hurricane, and rain from miles high; am I not merged with that as well?

Perhaps, the inside of my skull is not the center. My eyes and thoughts: not an encasement for my soul. Nor the sole source of my consciousness.

We are so much wider. When we swim in seas, our hearts stretch coast to coast. When the sun burns skin, its power embeds in us; light blended with flesh. We all hold a little bit of that fireball within us. For; skin holds in our blood and bones, but energies it cannot contain.

When I go to that place of love. Love that I hold for so many, even those who are no longer ‘here’—what makes that up? That indescribable sensation. ’Tis not atoms which make memories. ’Tis not cells who offer devotion. It is you.

Every one of you is with me and in me. And I in you. Every being and rock and plant is all made of past. Of stars. Of pterodactyls. Of sequoias and cavepeople. Of oceans and aliens (I hope). Event after event, and heart upon heart.

It is with this idea I will find some peace today, and hope for tomorrow. And tonight I will lay down in the dark, forgetting goals of futures and surrendering to the past. I will close my eyes and realize they do not exist. Then, without fingers or feet. Without any physical figure, I’ll see what moves inside of me in colors and allow them to roam far. I’ll know I’m a part of everything and, from within and with my choices, find happiness in the constant present. No matter your bounds, know you always have free will.